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Simply having children doesnt make one a mother any more than having a piano makes one a musician. Sydney J. Harris
A Russian citizen went to the local butcher and asked, Do you have
any pork today?
No, the butcher replied.
Chicken? Veal? Beef?
Sorry, no. The customer left, dejected and empty-handed.
Wow, the butcher said to his assistant. What a memory!
Critics would be out of business if it werent for people who stick their necks out and actually do something.
Carla and I are getting a divorce, John announced to his
friend Bob. Ever since we got married, she has tried to change me. She
got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and
more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking,
classical music and how to invest in the stock market.
That doesnt sound bad to me, Bob replied. Why are you so bitter?
Im not bitter, John explained. Shes just not good enough for me anymore.
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party, but their conversation
was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the
doctor for free advice. The exasperated doctor asked, What do you do to
stop people from asking you for legal advice when youre out of the
I go ahead and advise them, replied the lawyer, and then I send them a bill.
The doctor was shocked at first, but upon reflection decided that it was a fair solution to his problem. So the next day he prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
"Better use your silencer."
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