Of course I don’t look busy. I did it right the first time.
“You win some, you lost some, you wreck some.” —NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt
Gravity: It's not just a good idea—It’s the law!
The old man was slipping in and out of
consciousness as he lay on his deathbed. “Agnes—do you know
what?” he whispered hoarsely to his wife during one of his rare lucid
moments. “Agnes, through all of my bad times, through all of my troubles,
you were always there beside me.”
“I know, honey,” she
replied tearfully. “I wanted to be.”
“When I got fired,
you were there,” he continued.
“When my business failed, you
were there. When I fell down the stairs, when we lost the house, when I became
sick—you were always there.”
“You know what that means,
don’t you dear?” she whispered.
“I finally do,” he
answered. “You are bad luck!”
It’s going to be a bad day when...
...your plants do better when you don’t talk to them.
...your wife
wraps your lunch in a road map.
...you get a modeling job and it’s for
a cartoonist.
...your children’s school calls to
surrender.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Sign we saw: “Swimming in these crocodile-infested waters is expressly forbidden. Survivors will be prosecuted.”
The annual inter-office softball game was
held between the marketing and secretarial staffs, and the secretaries won.
The next day this article appeared in the newsletter: “The
Marketing Department is pleased to announce their team ranked #2 this season,
having lost only one game all year. The secretarial staff, sadly, did as bad as
last year, winning only one game.”
 “At least a chainsaw can be tuned.” |
Overnight Lite
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