November 2002 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

According to the Academy of Incomplete Research, 9 out of 10.

T-shirt we saw:
"I fought the lawn and the lawn won."

Grandpa was bragging that he pulled an all-nighter. I found out later that just means he went all night without getting up to go to the bathroom.

Neurotic: A person who discovers the secret of perpetual emotion.

A helpless husband asked his wife to wash his sweatshirt.
"I'm busy right now, honey," she replied. "Wash it yourself."

He went down to the basement and stood timidly in the laundry room.
After a moment he called out, "Which one's the washer?"
"On the left," she replied. "The one that says 'washer' on it."
Long seconds passed, then he asked, "How do you start it?"

"Push the 'start' button," she yelled back, eyes rolling.
A minute later: "How much soap do I put in?"
"It's on the box. Read it yourself," she replied, her impatience growing.

Another minute later: "Hot water, or cold?"
"Figure it out honey," she said. "What does it say on the shirt?"
He yelled back, "Notre Dame."

Guilt: the attempt to express good intentions that you never really had.

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