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The Russian official gathered members of
a commune together for an official report. “Comrades, production is up,
tractors are being built in record quantities, and the economy is doing
wonderfully,” he reported. “Are there any questions?”
Perchek raised his hand. “If everything is so good,” he
asked, “why are we still hungry, ill-housed and wearing rags?”
“Excellent question,” the official replied gravely. “I
will ask it of my superiors.”
Three months later, the farmers were
gathered again for the usual optimistic report. The same official again asked,
“Are there any questions?”
“Just one,” said a
farmer. “Where is Perchek?”
“There’s no money in poetry, but then there’s no poetry in money, either.” —Robert Graves
On wall of the ladies room:
“My
husband follows me everywhere.”
Written just below it:
“I do
not.”
“My husband is a man of rare gifts,” a woman said to her friend. “In fact, it’s been years since he’s given me one.”
Anagrams! Rearrange the letters, and what
do you get?
Dormitory.....Dirty room
The Morse Code .....Here come dots
Slot machines .....Cash lost in ’em
Mother-in-law .....Woman
Hitler
Snooze alarms .....Alas, no more Z’s
A decimal point
.....I’m a dot in place
The earthquakes .....That queer shake
Clint Eastwood .....Old West action
Contradiction .....Accord not in it
Tom Cruise .....So I’m cuter
Astronomer .....Moon starer
Elvis
.....Lives!
Debit card .....Bad credit
Statue of Liberty .....Built to
stay free
Christmas tree .....Search, set, trim
“I’ll give you a choice,”
the surgeon said to the heart patient. “You can have the heart of a
25-year-old marathon runner or of a 60-year-old lawyer. Which do you want to
have?”
“That’s easy,” the patient replied.
“Give me the lawyer’s.”
“Really? I’m
curious,” the surprised doctor said, “why you would pick the heart of
an old lawyer over a marathon runner.”
“I think I’d be
better off,” the patient explained, “choosing one that has never been
used.”
Seasons greetings.
Overnight Lite
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