April 2003 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

The children were waiting in line at the zoo to get their cheeks painted by a local artist. “You’ve got so many freckles, there’s no place to paint!” one boy teased the little girl behind him. She dropped her head shyly. Her grandmother knelt down and said, “I love your freckles!” “Not me,” the girl mumbled. “When I was little I always wanted freckles,” Grandma continued. “You’re lucky you got to be so beautiful.” The girl brightened. “Really?” “Really,” said the grandmother earnestly. “Why, just name one thing prettier than freckles.” The little girl looked deeply into her grandmother’s face and whispered softly, “Wrinkles.”

Sean Penn recently visited Iraq. Upon his return he declared prominently that he found no weapons of mass destruction. Of course, this comes from an actor who failed to recognize Shanghai Surprise as a bomb.

“How old are these dinosaur bones?” a tourist asked the museum’s security guard.

“They are 3 million, four years, and six months old.”

“Wow—how do you know the age so precisely?”

“Well,” the guard explained, “the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago.”

Two bachelors’ conversation drifted to cooking.

“I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do much of anything with it.”

“Too hard?” asked the other.

“Too much work,” the first explained. “Every recipe always started out the same way: ‘Take a clean dish...’”

“This is Mr. Binker from the IRS.
He’s here to collect half of your husband’s ashes.”

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