May 2003 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

“A gentleman inquired about your paintings and asked if they would appreciate in value after your death,” a gallery owner said to the artist. “I told him I thought they would—and he bought all of your paintings.”

“That’s great!” the artist exclaimed. “Isn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” the owner said. “He said he was your doctor.”

“My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’” —Paula Poundstone

Sign on a veterinarian’s door:
be back in 5 minutes.
sit! stay!

A five-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. He breathlessly reported to his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

“How could you tell?” his mother asked with a wink.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” the boy explained. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

“Do you have any small notebooks?” a woman asked a convenience store employee.

“Sorry,” shrugged the clerk. “We’re all out.”

“That’s okay,” she replied. “Do you have any colored magic markers or pens?”

“Nope, don’t have those either,” he replied blankly.



“Lip balm?”


“If you don’t have anything,” the woman grumbled, “why don’t you just close the store?”
“Can’t,” the employee sighed. “Don’t have a key.”

Sign at a plastic surgeon’s:
“come in and let us help you pick your nose.”

Sign at a muffler shop:
“no appointment necessary—we’ll hear you coming.”

“I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.”

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