September 2003 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

A gust of wind blew off the old rabbi’s hat, and a passerby chased it down for him.

“I never would have caught it,” said the rabbi gratefully, and then placed his hand on the man’s shoulder. “God bless you.”

“Blessed by a holy man!” the young man thought to himself. “This is my lucky day!” He pondered his situation, then decided to go to the racetrack. He noticed a horse named Stetson at 20 to 1, and, thinking about the rabbi’s hat, he bet $50 and won.

In the second race he spied a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1, so he bet everything and won again.

That night he told his wife the strange story. “So where’s the money?” she asked.

“I lost it all in the ninth race on a horse named Château.”

“You idiot!” she exclaimed. “Château is French for house. A hat is a chapeau!”

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” he shrugged. “The winner turned out to be some Japanese horse named Yarmulke.”

My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, “Never lend anything to your kids, because you’ll never get it back.”

“Well,” he responded, “it’s not even my ladder. It’s my dad’s.”

Golfer: “Would you please stop checking your watch all the time? It’s really a distraction.”

Caddy: “It’s not a watch. It’s a compass.”

Professional musician Kieran O’Hare gave this description of his bagpipes: “It’s like a cross between an oboe, a whoopee cushion, and a brassiere.”

“We don’t know what we’d do without you.
We’d like to find out.”

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