February 1999 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

A Moscow man scrimped and saved for ten years, and finally had enough money to buy a new car. He went to the dealership and proudly placed his order.
"It'll be delivered in 2002," the dealer said flatly.
"2002!?" the customer exclaimed, exasperated. After a pause, he asked, "What month?"
The dealer looked in his book. "April."
"What day?"
"On the 12th."
"Morning or afternoon?" the man asked.
Now it was the dealer's turn to be exasperated. "Who cares?!"
"Well," the customer shrugged, "I've got a plumber coming in the afternoon."

"Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs." —Miss Piggy

A college student walked past the dormitory mail room and noticed her friend standing with a package in her hands, looking depressed. "What's the matter?"
"My dad is so mean!" the friend steamed. "I wrote him and asked for $200 for a dictionary, and he sent me a dictionary."

I know I think too much, but if the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

On the package instructions of a hotel-provided shower cap:fits one head.

An employee was being reprimanded for getting a haircut on company time. "But it grew on company time," he complained.
"Not all of it," countered his employer sternly.
Replied the worker, "But he didn't cut all of it."

"You're fired!" the boss bellowed at the lazy worker.
"Fired?! Who are you going to find to fill my vacancy?"
The boss huffed, "Don't flatter yourself. You won't leave any vacancy."

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.

After you've been married for a while, the women will start choosing your clothes. If you protest they'll say, "Dressing is a privilege. You abused it and now you've lost it."

Years ago, legend has it that IBM placed an order with a new, unknown Japanese supplier. IBM specified the usual quality control tolerance of 1.5 percent—a very stiff American standard at the time. The goods were delivered on time, along with this note: "We don't know why you wanted 1.5 percent defective parts, but for your convenience we packed them separately." —Cary Long

"Sects, sects, sects! Is that all you ever think about?"

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