June 1999 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

Larry's barn burned down and his wife called the insurance company. "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand dollars and I want my money."
"Whoa there, just a minute, ma'am," the agent said. "It doesn't work like that. We will ascertain the value of the barn and replace it with another barn of comparable worth."
There was a long pause as the woman stared silently at the insurance agent. "In that case," she said finally, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband."

"Remember, you took me for better or worse," the husband said during a quarrel.
"I remember," she replied, "but you're even worse than I took you for!"

A man stuck his hand out the window to see if it was raining. As he reached out, a glass eye plopped right into his hand. The startled man looked up to see where it came from, just in time to see a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?" he asked.
"Oh, thank you!" she said. "Could you please bring it up?"
The man marched upstairs to find a very attractive woman profuse in her thanks. She offered him a drink, which he readily accepted. "I was just making dinner, and there's plenty," she said as he finished. "Would you join me?"
"Wow," the man responded. "Do you act this way with every man you meet?"
"Of course not," she replied. "You just caught my eye."

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

This funeral announcement appeared after the death of movie critic Gene Siskel: "Memorial services will be held at 8:00pm. Sneak preview at 7pm."


"I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

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