August 1999 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

"Greenhouses do not retain heat in the same way as the atmosphere, but rather through the absence of convection and advection. In other words, the 'greenhouse effect' does not apply to greenhouses."—scientist Elisabeth Crawford

"The future will be better tomorrow." —Dan Quayle

Misprint we saw in the "Pets For Sale" classified ads:
FOR SALE: GREAT DAMES.

"Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as too big."—George Carlin

"The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children." —Edward, Duke of Windsor

All marriages are happy—it's living together afterward that causes all the problems.

Sign we saw:
MEN ARE FROM EARTH.
WOMEN ARE FROM EARTH.
DEAL WITH IT.

I doubt, therefore I might be.

"My theory on evolution is that Darwin was adopted." —Steven Wright

As ominous clouds loomed, pro golfer Lee Trevino—who was once struck by lightning—was seen waving a golf club over his head. He later explained, "Not even God can hit a 1-iron."

Don't marry a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

"Hey—your hat's on backwards."

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