November 2000 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

A tourist from Texas visited a pub in Ireland. “Y’all brag about your drinking,” he bellowed, “but I’ll bet five hundred dollars that no one here can drink ten pints of Guinness back-to-back.” One man got up and left, and the rest fell silent. A few minutes later the little man who left reappeared. “Is your bet still good, sir?” The Texan just chuckled and asked the bartender to line up ten pints of the thick, heavy brew. Without hesitation the local polished them off, one right after the other, to the wild cheers of the other patrons. True to his word, the Texan paid up. “You have to tell me one thing,” he asked. “Where did you go a few minutes ago?” “Oh, I just slipped over to the pub next door,” the winner explained, “just to make sure first that I could do it.”

What’s in a name? We scrambled the letters to make anagrams, and look what we found!
   Republican Party becomes:
   Rip Up Balance Try
   Democratic Convention becomes:
   Contain Come-on Verdict
   Vice President Al Gore becomes:
   Loves receipt reading
   Governor George Bush becomes:
   Gore never! Go Shrub, go!

Why are Southern Democrats like violins? They’re held from the left, but played from the right.

T-shirt we saw:
My mother is a guilt trip travel agent.

A writer doing a story on an old New Hampshire town asked one of the locals, “Who is the oldest inhabitant of this town?”
“We ain’t got one,” the resident drawled.
“Excuse me?” blinked the writer. “You don’t have one?”
“Well, we had one,” the local explained, “but he died.”

“We promise to balance the budget, create world peace, and make everybody use their turn signal.”

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