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As always,
the Olympics brought fast competition, along with sports announcers struggling
to keep up. Some of our favorite convoluted commentator quotes:
“He didn’t go for the ball because of his lack of indecision.” —Italian broadcaster “Without my father, I definitely wouldn’t be here today.” —Australian trapshooter “The 5,000 or so volunteers are breaking their backs to make sure it’s a success.” —BBC, on the Paralympics |
Ad slogans rejected by Firestone:
“Safer than a Russian sub!”
“Pop a set on your car
today!”
“You can’t recall a better tire.”
If the three Wise Men had been women,
they would have:
— asked for directions
— arrived on
time
— helped with the delivery
— brought practical
gifts
Two professional chess players were in
the lobby of a swank hotel bragging about their favorite victories, when the
manager abruptly asked them to leave. “But why?” they protested.
“We aren’t hurting anyone.”
“It’s my hotel, and if
there’s anything I can’t stand,” the manager huffed,
“it’s chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
Two Eskimos were fishing in the middle of the bay. They got so cold they decided to build a fire in the boat, but the boat itself caught fire and sank. They should have known—you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
A Brownie troop had visited a retirement
home, and afterwards a six-year-old told her mother about the event. “Mom!
I saw a man who was 103 years old, and a woman who was 104!” She
continued, “I even talked to a woman who was 108!”
“How did
you find out how old they all were?” her mother asked, amazed.
“Mooooom,” she said, rolling her eyes, “it was on their
doors.”
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