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Who gets Valentine's Day cards? Hallmark conducted a survey, and atop the list, in this order: teachers, children, mothers, wives, sweethearts. |
Pro golfer Payne Stewart's Lear jet left Orlando intending to fly to Dallas, but for unknown reasons the jet went northwest, way off course, and crashed in South Dakota. Upon hearing the news, another pro golfer commented, "Now that's a slice."
My love runs by like a day in June,
He makes no friends of sorrows.
He'll tread his galloping rigadoon
In the pathway or the morrows.
He'll live his days where the sunbeams start
Nor storm or wind uproot him.
My own dear love is all my heart
And I wish somebody'd shoot him. —Dorothy Parker
Nostalgia: it's not what it used to be.
Men are like dogs. They run when you turn on the vacuum.
Men are like lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
I know I think too much, but why is abbreviation such a long word?
Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
T-shirt we saw:
YOU! OFF MY PLANET!
Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.
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