A woman was worried because she hadn't
seen her elderly neighbor for a few days. She instructed her son, "Go next door
and see how old Mrs. Bailey is."
He returned a little while later. "She's
fine," he said, "but she's annoyed with you." "She said to tell you it's none
of your business how old she is."
Residents at a nursing home were sitting
around comparing ailments. "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of
coffee," said one elderly lady.
"Oh, I know," replied another. "My
cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee.
" My blood pressure
pills make me dizzy," a third said.
"I can't turn my head to look
around because of the arthritis in my neck," added another.
"Let s look
at the bright side," one woman piped up. "Thank God we re all still
driving!"
Q: What do you call a fish without any
eyes?
A: A fsh.
Status symbol: a medal we buy for ourselves.
"Adversity is the state in which man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then."—Samuel Johnson
Never hit a pillow when it's down.
Q: What was the soda can's major in
college?
A: Fizz Ed.
They crossed a monkey, a legume and a yellow flower. They got a Rhesus Peanut Buttercup.
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." —Walt Disney
They crossed a centipede with a parrot, and got a walkie-talkie.
Masochist: "Hit me!"
Sadist:
"No.
"Sign we saw on the back of a horse-drawn carriage: "Energy Efficient Vehicle. All natural fuels, runs on oats and grass. Caution: do not step in exhaust."
 "Good news! It's not a complex— you're just inferior." |
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