What modern vampires hate:
• Current
fashions make it hard to tell who’s really dead.
• Even with NutraSweet,
fat-free blood tastes terrible.
• They’re sick and tired of being
compared to Keith Richards.
• Daylight Savings Time.
• F. Lee Bailey always
beating them to a warm body.
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York are on strike. Hospital officials say they will figure out what the demands are as soon as they find a pharmacist who can read the picket signs.
Q: How many Realtors does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: Ten—but they’ll accept eight.
“I insist that each of my employees
take at least a week vacation every three months,” Amy told her friend.
“Wow,” the friend remarked, “that’s really generous of
you.”
“Not really,” she explained. “It’s the best
way to learn which ones I can do without.”
“Are you eating your little
sister’s grapes?” the mother accused sternly.
“No,”
little Annie replied innocently. “I’m just helping her learn how to
share.”
A man has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason. —J. P. Morgan
“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.” —Franklin P. Jones
Education is what you get from reading
the small print.
Experience is what you get from not reading it.
Q: How many Catholic school teachers does
it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nun.
A woman instructed the portrait artist,
“Paint me with diamond earrings, emerald bracelets, and a ruby
brooch.”
“But why? You aren’t even wearing any of those
things,” the artist protested.
“It’s in case I die before my
husband,” she said. “I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I
want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...”
Overnight Lite
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