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George Washington’s mother: “I give you an allowance, and you throw it in the Potomac?”
Ned was riding in a New York taxicab when
the driver presented this riddle: “The person I’m thinking of has the
same father as I do, and the same mother, but it’s not my sister nor my
brother. Who is it?”
Ned gave up.
“It’s
me!” laughed the driver, slapping his knee.
“That’s a
good one!” Ned laughed, promising to tell his friends back home. When he
presented them the riddle, they all sat silently, until one spoke up.
“C’mon, Ned, tell us,” he begged. “We give up!”
Ned slapped his knee. “It’s a cab driver in New York!”
A young couple purchased an expensive new
refrigerator, and decided to give their old one to their parents. The
wife’s mother called a few days later and said, “We want to send you
a check for the refrigerator.”
“No, no,” the daughter
protested. “It’s a gift. Consider it a repayment for all the times
you took care of me when I was little.”
“In that case,”
the mother replied, “it’s going to take a bigger refrigerator.”
My mom always doted on me. I told her I was taking Algebra and French in school. “You’re so smart!” she exclaimed. “Go on—say something in Algebra!”
“No, I don’t hate your relatives,” a husband said to his wife. “In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than my own.”
I was shopping online to find a wedding gift for my sister, and I noticed that a lot of the online shopping websites figure out what you are looking for, then offer other suggestions. When I placed an order for a bathroom scale, one site’s order page announced: “Customers who bought this item also bought the following: Cuisinart Electric Ice Cream Maker.”
Napoleon’s mother: “If you aren’t hiding anything, take your hand out of your jacket.”
“Your problem is low self-esteem.
It’s
common among losers.”
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