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The police recently arrested a man for selling “eternal youth” tablets. They discovered he had a previous record, having been arrested for the same crime in 1992, 1976, 1928 and 1845.
“Pop, what’s a
millennium?”
“It’s like a centennial,” he answered,
“only with more legs.”
My dad was overprotective. I once asked him if I could watch the solar eclipse, and he said, “Okay, but don’t stand too close.”
My brother-in-law doesn’t just have bad luck—he’s a carrier.
“Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the y becomes silent.” —Ambrose Bierce
“Take this big green pill with a big
glass of water when you wake up,” the doctor instructed his patient after
an examination. “Then take the blue pill with a big glass of water after
you eat lunch. Before going to bed, you need to take the big red pill with
another big glass of water.”
“Jeez, Doc, that’s
serious!” the startled man exclaimed. “Exactly what is my
problem?”
The doctor replied, “You’re not drinking
enough water.”
Egotist: Someone who is me-deep in conversation.
Bachelor: a man who looks before he doesn’t leap.
When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment. —Warren Farrell
Fred, well known for his gracious
manners, was awakened one morning at 4:15a.m. by his angry neighbor. “Your
dog’s barking, and I can’t sleep!”
“I see,”
said Fred, and got the caller’s name and phone number before hanging up.
The next morning at precisely 4:15a.m., Fred called his neighbor back,
waking him up. “Good morning, Mr. Williams,” he said, “I just
called to let you know I don’t have a dog.”
Overnight Lite
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