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Q: What do they sing in the jungle on the
Fourth of July?
A: Tarzan Stripes Forever.
My friend Harold has been married so many times he just wedded one of his ex-wives and didn’t even know it. He never would have found out except he recognized his mother-in-law.
Summer School: A desperate alternative to a summer job.
If you line up all the cars at Yellowstone end-to-end, some idiot will try to pass them.
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he’ll sit in a boat and drink all day.
Little Jeffrey blurted out a profanity
just as the teacher walked in. “You shouldn’t use that kind of
language,” she scolded. “Where did you hear that word?”
“From my dad,” he responded.
“Well, that
doesn’t make it right,” she said sternly, “and you don’t
know what it means.”
“I do, too,” Jeffrey huffed.
“It means the car won’t start.”
Synonym: The word you use if you can’t spell the other one.
Three men went into business together.
“I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I’m the
president,” the first declared.
“I put up thirty percent, so
I’m vice president,” said the second.
“I put up five
percent,” said the third. “What’s that make me?”
The president said, “You’ll be the musical consultant.”
“That sounds great!” the third member exclaimed. “Um,
what does that mean, exactly?”
“It means,” the president
explained, “when I want your advice, I’ll
whistle.”
American: Someone who gets upset over spending a billion dollars for education, then spends three billion on cigarettes.
Committee: A group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
American: Someone who keeps his dog on a leash while his sixteen year old son runs wild.
“Gee, it’s great to get
away from the city.”
Overnight Lite
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