July 2003 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

Canada Day is July 1st. Eons ago God declared, “I am going to create a great land. It shall be called Canada. It shall have majestic mountains filled with wildlife, sparkling lakes bountiful with fish, lush forests full of elk and high cliffs overlooking pristine beaches. Its inhabitants I shall call Canadians, and they shall be known as the friendliest people on Earth.” “Perhaps that’s too much of a good thing,” one of His angels commented. “Usually you balance good with bad.” “Oh, don’t worry about that,” God replied. “Wait until you see who I give them for neighbors.”

“The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.” —William Safire

The House of Representatives changed the name of French fries to freedom fries in their cafeteria. To get us back, the French government announced that they will not change the name of American cheese.

“Watermelon: it’s a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face.” —Enrico Caruso

I’m getting old. A friend called me last night at 9:00pm and said, “Did I wake you?”

The Boss asked sternly, “When did you get back from lunch?”

“About a quarter of twelve,” the worker replied.

“Nice try,” the boss huffed. “I saw you come in at 3 o’clock.”

“Well,” said the worker, “three is a quarter of twelve, isn’t it?”

I can tell I’m getting old. I had a party last night, and my neighbors didn’t know.

After a frustrating day, the exasperated golfer turned to his caddy and barked, “You must be the worst caddy in the world!”

“I doubt it,” replied the caddy calmly. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”

“I call it a Four-Loaf Cleaver.”

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