November 1998 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

"What's this?" the butcher wondered as a dog walked in carrying a basket. Inside was $10 and a note: "Three pounds of your best burger, please."
The butcher dropped some meat on the scale, which tipped two and a half pounds. "A little shy, but who'll know?" But the dog began to growl menacingly. "All right, all right," he said, adding a generous half-pound.
The butcher then flopped change for $5 into the basket. The dog bared its teeth and barked. "Sheesh!" shrugged the butcher, impressed as he added the missing $5. "Some dog—I want to meet your owner!"
He followed the dog to a high-rise building, and watched as the dog pushed the 12th floor button, rode up, trotted down a hall and smartly knocked the basket on the door. "Get in here, idiot!" a voice said as the door opened.
"Hey!" the butcher shouted. "Don't say that—that's the smartest dog I've ever seen!"
"What smart?" the man scoffed. "This is the third time this week he's forgotten his key!"

"Sometimes in these little towns things get dropped between the cracks." —Baconton, Georgia, City Attorney Tommy Coleman, explaining why officials forgot to hold November 4 elections

Vice-President Lyndon Johnson collared Russell Baker, then correspondent for the New York Times, as he passed in a Senate hallway. "I've been looking for you," he bellowed, and then embarked on a long monologue concerning his importance within the Kennedy administration. As he talked he scribbled a note and buzzed for his secretary. She took the note, left the room, then reappeared, handing the note back to Johnson, who crumpled it up and threw it away.
Later, Baker learned what Johnson had written on the note: "Who is this I'm talking to?"

TO ERR IS HUMAN
TO MOO, BOVINE

My brother-in-law used to be a lumberjack, but decided he couldn't hack it.

It's a small world. Use your elbows.

My brother-in-law wanted to be a barber, but he couldn't cut it.

My brother-in-law tried to be a tailor, but decided he wasn't well suited for it.


"He's a watch dog."

Overnight Lite Main   Last Month   Next Month   This Month's Serious Stuff

Home   Contact Us   What's New   Publications