July 1998 Overnight Lite Discarded Jokes

A little boy put on his ballcap and glove and marched out into the middle of the ballfield. "I'm the greatest batter in the world!" he announced as he tossed his ball into the air, swung his bat, and—whiff!—missed the ball. "I'm the greatest hitter ever!" he said as he tried again, missing the ball so badly he twisted, stumbled and fell. "Wow," he mumbled to himself, "and what an awesome pitcher I am!"

Charley: "Mike, did you hear about my wife?"
Mike: "No—what happened?"
Charley: "She ran off with my best friend."
Mike: "Sorry to hear—hey, wait a minute! I thought I was your best friend!"
Charley: "Not anymore."

Middle age: When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

"Dad, there's trouble with the car," the teenager said meekly. "There's water in the carburetor."
"Water in the carburetor?" his father scoffed. "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
The boy replied, "It's in the swimming pool."

Classified ad we saw:
For sale: set of encyclopedias.
Nearly new, no longer needed—
wife already knows everything.

"I feel as young as I ever did, except for an occasional heart attack." —Robert Benchley

Middle age: When you don't care where your wife is going for the evening, as long as you don't have to go along.

Two salesmen met for lunch. "I'm having a great day," the first exclaimed. "I created lots of interest in our products and services, and generated good will all over town!"
"I know just what you mean," the other replied. "I didn't sell anything either."


"There's no trick to pulling him out.
The trick is getting him in."

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